March 19,2013-Help your children develop a healthy approach to matters financial.
I have to admit that I have an uneasy relationship with money. I feel uncomfortable and conscious when money matters are being discussed. Over the years I have tried to work it out, but it still does trouble me. I do understand that this has its roots in my own childhood when an anxious cloud of financial strain always hung over us. But when I analyse it, I realise that it was not the financial strain per se, but the lack of clarity and consequent helplessness that made it so trying. So as a parent, I am committed to building healthy money values in my children. Here are steps that can help you.
Share with care. If you are going through a financial loss or there is a sudden increase in expenditure, make sure you do not transfer that anxiety onto your kids. Have clear boundaries on just the basic minimum the kids need to know according to their age. For example, to kids under 10, say, “I am taking a break from work right now till I get something better.” Add a bit of detail for older kids, “I am not working right now as the previous job did not work out.” Confide in your teenager, “I lost my job because of the recession. I am looking for new opportunities.”
Tell them it is just a phase. It is important for children to understand that life has its ups and downs. Once they get that, they are willing to go with it. I remember when we moved to India from the UK, we checked with our son who was 6 then, “Is it alright, if we do not buy any big toy for the next six months? Instead, we will go around looking for really interesting books and art supplies.” Worked like a dream! Give them clarity.
Kids need to understand and believe that you can take care of them. So even if you are going through a financial strain, make it very clear to them that, as parents, you are in control and will take care of their needs, no matter what. Build money skills. Let them handle money from an early age, perhaps when they start going to school. Let them put coins in a piggy bank.
Give them limited weekly pocket money starting age 6 or 7 where they learn to calculate, delay immediate gratification and plan their expenditure. Apart from the usual chores, allow them to earn some money through extra household work- washing the car, setting the table or bathing the dog. Open their bank accounts so they also understand the basics of banking, saving and accumulating interest. Empathise.
There will be times when your children will come home and talk about how their friends live in big homes, own fancy gadgets, big cars and go on lavish overseas vacations. Curb the urge to adopt the holier than thou attitude and lecture them on being grateful for what they have. Listen to them, go a step ahead and add to their fantasy.
“Europe must have been so amazing! Can you imagine a holiday in Tuscany?” Once they feel that you share their fantasy, they are fine- ready to move on with the humdrum of life. Introspect on your own attitude and thoughts on money. Are you obsessive about it? Are you a hoarder, a spendthrift, an avoider? Do you think it is not something we should talk about or do you think it is all that matters? Make sure you work through your issues as you do not want to pass your burden on to your children.
INDIA TODAY
