March 9,2013-Find the space to follow your heart even as you juggle your various roles.
One day as I was walking to a nearby store, consumed by thoughts about work, I did something quite out of character: I stopped to chat with some friendly neighbours. They shared with me initiatives they’d taken to enhance the safety in our neighbourhood. I pitched in with suggestions and volunteered to help and was really touched when one of them rewarded me with organic home-grown vegetables! This was a part of my emotional life that I had completely ignored.
Many women who are trying to balance several roles at once find it difficult to switch from one role to another. At work, you have to be firm, professional and super efficient; at home, a mother needs to focus on her child’s learning needs, emotional health and the next day’s lunch.
You also have to be a patient listener to your partner’s concerns, a caregiver to elderly parents or in-laws and offer a shoulder to friends. How should one switch between these roles? How does a woman enhance her emotional intelligence so she can balance the demands of the various stakeholders in her life? How does she fit in her own altruistic needs of doing something which is not part of her routine responsibility, and find that little space in her life in which she can learn music or start a walking group? The balancing of egos, expectations and demands, the tussle between conforming to convention and living with a free spirit, can demand so much more than what she is prepared for. Challenging as the prospect is, there are some methods we can use to be able to switch gears and not feel shortchanged in the bargain.
Prioritise and set boundaries. Daniel Goleman, in his book on emotional intelligence, describes it as having four parts-self-awareness, managing our emotions, empathy and social skills. Women have more emotional empathy-the ability to feel what the other person feels. If you realise that your friends or family need you emotionally, try and prioritise your roles for that day or week. Being emotionally available often means an investment of time, so set aside a specific time of the day when you will be available rather than always being on the phone with the person in need. Also, if several people have competing emotional needs, learn to prioritise who needs you the most.
Create a buffer zone. It is difficult to move from a firm boss to a doting mother in a snap. So try and give yourself some buffer time when moving between roles. Use the time when you are driving or taking the bus home for neutral activities such as listening to music or reading. These will help you gradually slide into a different role.
Create time to reflect. I find this very useful. Twice a day, give yourself the luxury of thinking and taking stock for just five minutes. Reflect on your own reactions and feelings towards situations and people and ask what and whom you should prioritise, in terms of your emotional time. This is another part of emotional intelligence known as self awareness. That way you will be responding to situations in a well thought out manner rather than having knee-jerk emotional reactions that catch you unawares
INDIA TODAY
