Crises make some people stronger, by building their so-called resilience: the capacity to tackle conflicts and other problems without losing one’s equilibrium, to make the most out of such situations and to use them as opportunities for growth.
“Many people fight against facts they cannot change,” says doctor Mirriam Priess, who is also a management consultant.
Resilient people at work put failures behind them and move on. (Photo credit: “Monique Wuestenhagen / dpa”)
Resilient people do not put up those sorts of fights. They focus on what is coming next. Being resilient sounds great, but is it something you can learn?
“The good news is yes, you can learn resilience,” Priess says. But how? A lot of it starts in childhood, the expert notes. Parents can contribute by treating their kids as equals, for example by taking their children’s views and fears seriously and not simply dismissing them.
“The child then feels accepted and noticed,” Priess explains. That can lead them to develop a more positive image of themselves.
If a child is only defined by their performance, they tend to become insecure. “That is not conducive to resilience,” the expert says.
However, people can also learn to be more resilient later on in their lives. Priess illustrates this with a metaphorical example.
Many people immediately become defensive when they get into trouble. To take an example from swimming in surf when you get caught in a rip, they start to swim in the opposite direction as soon as they feel the suction of a current.
“They will drown,” Priess warns. Resilient people float in the direction of the current, waiting for the place where the suction is weakest and escape is easiest.
Mindfulness and yoga can help people focus on themselves.
What does this mean in practice?
If you lose your job, you fail to get a position you wanted, or your partner leaves you, there is not much you can do about what actually happened.
“It is not worth fighting in vain or holding on to something futile,” Priess says.
But there is plenty you can do instead. “Overcome your urge to resist. Accept reality. Learn from it. Let go. Move on,” the expert recommends.
You can look for a new job, seek another position, leave your separation behind and look ahead. That is the key to resilience.
